How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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