just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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