i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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