God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
