meet me or not, i'm out of control
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
