I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
