Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
