If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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