C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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