Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize