Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
