I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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