You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
