We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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