y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
