He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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