Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
