I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
