well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
