You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
