PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize