It's Friday. Sex?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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