Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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