honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize