so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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