I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
