So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
