im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
