Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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