My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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