I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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