I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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