I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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