You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
