How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
