i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
