i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
