Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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