You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
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