we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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