If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
