she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
