Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
