Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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