i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
