fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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