im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
