i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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