Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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