Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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