i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
