??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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