cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
