smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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