Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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