I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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