did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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