Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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