you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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