I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
