I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
