is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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