Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
