She's JV to your varsity
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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