you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
