How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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