tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize