Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
