I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
