He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
