after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
