I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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