yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
