we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
