her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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