You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
