In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
