god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
