Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
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