I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
How does one acquire holy water?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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