your parents love me but you hate me
This is not my ceiling
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Someone came in the potted fern
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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