Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You're like the curious george of whores
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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