how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
MIDGETS
????
Dick very happy bro
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
