so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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