Duck Duck Cougar?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
