I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
