I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize