Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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