Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
