Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
