This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize