someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
