Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
