he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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