Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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