Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
