I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
