i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Farmville is her only friend.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
