So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
