Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
