I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
