do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
