I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
