you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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